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In a certain way, he was. Not because he actually thought I was gifted or talented. Gary was a narcissist, and narcissists view their families as extensions of themselves, as trophies.

Gary believed he was superior, so it was imperative that the world see his daughter as superior too. Behind closed doors it was a different story.

Gary treated me with a dizzying blend of over-involvement, neglect, overindulgence and cruelty. With Svengali-like skill, he quickly took over every aspect of my life, dictating what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used.

Gary dictated what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used. He also strove to monopolize my time — an easy accomplishment since my mother left for work before I awoke and didn't return until evening.

During the school year, this meant Gary had me all to himself for an hour each morning and at least three hours every afternoon. Once summer came, he had me all day, every day, all to himself.

This meant being subjected to daily "training sessions" — intense periods when I was explicitly instructed on how to behave and think like a slave.

Much like a dog must be trained to sit, to stay, to heel, practitioners of sadomasochism believe a sex slave must be trained in how to speak, sit, serve.

In short, like a dog, she must be taught total obedience. Gary's dungeon was in the basement. Instead, he left a series of nails and hooks attached to the ceiling beams, which could quickly and easily hold a harness, a rope or some other type of bondage device.

While much of Gary's paraphernalia had to be kept hidden, I could tell he also had some fun in displaying a few tools of his trade.

The dog cage, for instance, was left in plain sight — folded up in a cluttered corner where it appeared to be waiting for the next garage sale.

He also kept a wooden paddle hanging on the wall of his home office, which he jokingly told guests was for "errant children. Nor did most people realize that he kept a set of metal handcuffs in his desk drawer, right next to a stun gun and his handgun.

I can't remember being threatened with the gun — although it may have happened. Due to amnesia, as well as the normal forgetfulness of memory, there are many details about my abuse I can't recall.

I know this because, over the years, eyewitnesses have told stories about my abuse that I cannot personally remember.

I do, however, remember Gary threatening me with the stun gun repeatedly. He even used it on me once.

Once was all it took. For after experiencing the excruciating, utterly indescribable pain it inflicted, I never, ever wanted to experience it again.

When he wasn't hurting me, he lavished me with parental attention. On the long drives to and from school, he would initiate conversations about history, politics and art.

We ate nearly every meal together while he instructed me on things like table manners and ethnic cuisine. He gave me my first typewriter and influenced my decisions to become both a writer and psychologist.

He took the time to open up the world for me. He was my first and most significant mentor. Under my mother's care, I'd been neglected and deprived.

She was constantly at work, leaving me alone and lonely. Gary preyed on that loneliness. Like any skilled pedophile, he identified what I needed, and he gave it to me.

He made me feel special, talented, smart. Even sexually, staying on Gary's good side had its advantages. For once he felt I had become sufficiently trained and submissive, most of the torture tapered off.

Afternoons in the basement were replaced by the bedroom. And his fervor to cause me pain was replaced with a passion to bring me pleasure.

I suspect it made him feel powerful — like more of a man. Nearly every day at 4 p. The weird part, of course, was that his "lover" was just under four feet tall and weighed less than 60 pounds.

There was also the inconvenient fact that his official lover, my mother, refused to vanish. Unable to ditch her physically, he did it emotionally instead.

Every evening, he locked himself in his home office. Every weekend, he went to his store. As I was expected to work for him, I followed wherever he went.

Very early on, my mother began to notice this pattern, and she didn't like it. Not one bit. Being immature, she didn't handle the situation with grace.

She felt excluded, which she was. So she began to yell a lot, mostly at me. One particular Saturday morning we had probably been living with Gary for about six weeks , I was in the bathroom getting dressed for the flea market, just as I did every weekend.

But my mother wasn't happy, so she stood in the doorway, whining. You oughta be staying home with me. Just then, Gary came into the hall.

My mother cornered him. Gary, as always, remained calm during my mother's onslaught. Nonchalantly, he remarked, "Why don't you let Mooch decide what she wants to do today?

She's perfectly capable of choosing. With one quick remark, he had abdicated all responsibility for the situation. Instead, all blame was now placed squarely on me.

At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's ranting — and probably offer some kind of reward.

But if I chose my mother, there would be no one to protect me from Gary. Crossing him would mean paying for my sins.

So, I chose Gary, and my mother flew into a jealous rage. I'm your mother! You're staying with me! Therapy could definitely help. Hey being this clingy and manipulative, if left to continue into adulthood, could affect her relationships and ultimately her life.

As said, don't let the stigma get to you. I'm getting my degree to become a therapist, and I've been to see one numerous times. They'll definitely help in curbing potentially detrimental behaviors and ways of thinking.

Please do not listen to the "You are a parent so exercise your parental authority, end of story" comments. Thats what you tell a kid who wont stop whining for more candy.

That is not what you tell a child who has been through a traumatic situation. Get professional help from someone who knows how to deal with traumatized children.

This is great advice! With the Internet its easy to start to think we can find all the answers ourselves sometimes, but this is a complicated situation, and a professional counselor would help immensely, and take some of the pressure off of OP.

Perhaps its time to talk to her about the concept of private areas. Also you do need to stand your ground here as you are the adult.

I understand you dont want to hurt her but in the long term you are causing hurt by allowing this dysfunctional behaviour to continue.

Good luck. Throw her an "I'm a big girl now" party, where you celebrate all the big-girl things she can do for herself now. Tell her that because she's a big girl, she will now be allowed to wash herself, she'll get a bigger allowance, she'll get to pick her own clothes, she'll get a cell phone, etc.

Get her a cake and a couple presents, and get her other family members involved. Just explain to them that your daughter has continued to be very clingy in unusual ways, and so you want her to see growing up as a positive thing.

You want her to make a mental break between how she acted as a young child and how she will act going forward. Then, if she continues to ask you to do certain things, you can just remind her that she is officially a big girl now, so she gets to do them on her own now.

Good luck! You're getting a lot of shit for this from people who obviously have no idea what you're going through.

I can't even begin to fathom how hard this situation has been for you guys. Get some help from someone who actually knows what they're talking about rather than Reddit.

You sound like your heart is in the right place and you are stuck in a complicated and confusing situation. I agree with other posters that you need to establish boundaries and enforce them in a kind yet firm manner.

Give her a simple explanation to let her know that she hasn't done anything wrong, it's just that daddy is a boy and she is a girl, and boys and girls take care of their own private areas when they become more grown-up like she is.

However, you should not withdraw physical contact, you just need to make sure it is appropriate. You can increase other forms of physical nurturing, such as brushing each other's hair or painting her nails and maybe let in her file or buff your nails.

I do hope you make it a priority to find some time to date. In the long run it will be great for her to have another adult around who loves her and makes her father happy.

Brush her teeth for her or something - something that can't be construed as sexual. Just from personal experiences, it really sucks to have a girlfriend around; especially when things go south.

It can also very very quickly lead to feeling like "daddy doesn't care about me any more", especially in these coming years. This is the best response imo, and I really like the idea of replacing the bathing with another bonding activity.

Although, I am not a widower I am a single father with two young girls. My wife disappeared without warning and has had no contact with us for several years.

Before the oldest started elementary school I slowly let her bathe alone and would check I on her every few minutes.

After a month she was fine bathing on her own without any help. The therapist told me that slowly transitioning would be better just suddenly ending It, namely because they had already lost their mother and it would be traumatic because it was a type of security to them.

I have wanted to date again, but right now I feel it is not the time. I need to focus my energy on my daughters.

Though, oldest has started to tell me which women she thinks would make a nice mommy for "us". In time, I will date again but not now.

She is young enough to still want to be bathed, but is too old to bathe with you. You should explain to her that while there is nothing wrong with private parts, that she is old enough for you too to bathe separately.

My daughter is 10 and it is only in the last year or two she got self conscious. Though I never bathed with her, I was at least doing her hair on nights my wife was out until she could do it herself curly hair which was probably close to 8.

Even then, she did not like being in the bathroom herself for at least another year. EDIT: My wife started treatment for breast-cancer when our daughter was 7.

As part of dealing with it, our daughter regressed a bit, such as being afraid of being by herself, sleeping with lights on again etc.

Therapy helped her. She needs structure and boundaries, that provides more support to her in the long term than coddling and fawning.

Exactly, I felt especially when I read the part about how you originally managed to tell her that washing your privates wasn't okay, but then you relented - that's telling her she can get ANYTHING she wants.

Harsh truth: if you don't fix this, she will be an insufferable brat by the time she's a teenager. Yeah, I don't think the problem that OP is having is with authority.

It's trying to balance out the right way to help her mature as a person vs. This is completely unhelpful. How it has upvotes is beyond me.

Did any of you even read it? God thats sad. Its so sad that our culture has become so over sexualized you can't even seek help thats needed because 'every adult male is a child molester' mentality.

If this was a mother asking, it wouldnt even be a question. Even if there WAS something funny going on. Maybe she should see a child counselor, she's obviously been through trauma and might even have PTSD.

And, yes, she will throw a 'sad' tantrum but you just ignore it. She only does it because she knows it causes you to cave in ;.

She may take her own genital health more seriously if it is coming from such an authority figure, as problematic as that may be if it becomes a default.

Your authority that is: the establishment of healthy boundaries and the teaching of independizing life skills, including self-confidence is also crucially important at this stage of her life.

My mother had a doctor explain this hygiene to me at a similar age after a series of childhood urinary tract infections. Girls actually do need to be taught how to wipe properly and keep clean otherwise they get UTIs easily and constantly which is really bad for health.

I don't quite understand why you think she needs to be 17 to learn about hygiene. And there's a way of discussing this in a way that is a age appropriate, b non-intimidating, and c provides her with the information she needs as a seven-year old.

Besides, establishing a positive partnership with a skilled and knowledgeable family doctor is one of the best things you can do to establish a lifetime of good health!

You're being simplistic. OP should get a therapist. Your advice is fine for someone in a common situation. Eh, I wouldn't automatically prescribe a therapist if OP can help her get to a place of self-comfort, self-confidence, and self-sufficiency through carefully-guided parenting, which can be learned from non-therapist professionals.

But, yes, the direct, intervening help of a edit1: skilled and knowledgeable! Remember edit2 : Therapists, much like doctors and other clinical stranger-professionals, can further traumatize the separation-anxious child and actually hinder healing!

This is why I was hesitant to prescribe a therapist from the get-go. At least a family doctor is a professional she is already familiar with. This is not a good idea with a highly traumatized child.

He is literally all she has on the entire world so him being strict and angry will really, really mess with her in a way that isn't comparable to a normal child.

It could be very seriously damaging and make her lose the closeness he has earned. She is a seriously traumatized child, she needs therapy, not someone shouting at her to act normal.

It's a bandaid fix. You fix this one issue but ignore the underlying and more important issues and it doesn't help anyone in the long run. This is not normal parenting, normal advice really does not apply.

Someone said in here that fixing the bathroom issue is only solving a symptom and I totally agree. Therapy or some kind of external help is really needed but for now, being firm but not mean about keeping bathroom time separate will help.

Normally yes, but this girl hasn't had a normal childhood so I don't think that would be wise - if OP can afford it I'd go to a psychiatrist.

First, I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a friend of mine that went through a similar experience losing his wife at a young age to cancer.

He was the same as you and was a single father raising a small girl on his own. As a father myself I would recommend having the private areas conversation with her.

I also think you are just going to have to tell her no and she is old enough to bath herself. She may get upset and chances are she will, but this does not need to go on any longer.

It needs to stop immediately because the older she gets the worse it will get. Good luck and I hope things go well for you. Some harsh words on here!

OP it's obvious you're a caring dad if you recognize the dilemma you're in and want to handle the situation properly. I really think it would help both of you out now.

You two have been through a lot and with the right help I'm sure you could find a way to cope and bond in a way that won't be uncomfortable for you.

I know a lot of people have said this, but I agree, I really think therapy is your best avenue to approach not only this, but the other trauma of losing both her mother and her grandmother.

If this isn't addressed soon, it will become a much bigger problem. You both really need to seek a professional to help you heal. You very much need to learn to create healthy boundaries.

Of course, you want a close bond with your daughter. But the way things are currently with bathing is very inappropriate. She is old enough to remember you washing her and you letting her wash you.

What is she going to think about you when she is old enough to understand how seriously messed up that is to allow? I'm not trying to be rude by any means, just honest.

My husband lost his father young. He lived in fear for years about losing his mother too. They have a very strong bond.

But she never got help to deal with the loss, and never dated again. Trust me, not dating because you think it would be difficult for your child is a big BIG mistake.

Someday your little girl will be a woman, and will go get a life of her own. While she very much needs you now, she will need you to not be alone and miserable in a few decades and feel free to have a life and family of her own without feeling guilty.

It is so so important for you to move forward with your life and find happiness and love again. For you and for her. Best wishes to you. I hope you can get this issue resolved and both have a bright wonderful future.

You need to stand up and say "no" and she needs to learn to take care of herself. I have a 7 yr old also and she may need a little help in the bath, but I tell her to clean her privates herself.

I am a little disturbed that you let your daughter clean your privates for you. Obviously she may not get the connotation of doing something like this but he should!

Geez, that's so inappropriate. Plus how do you even budge there? She throws a tantrum so you let her touch you inappropriately?

A dad here with a almost 4 year old. I hear you loud and clear. Small steps mate and make it as if it positive for her to do.

Fuck the people who bang on about tough love etc. This has a far simpler solution than you think. I say solution..

Make her bathe herself, and insist she stays out of the bathroom while you're in there. Yes it's addressing a symptom and not the problem, but it at least solves the issues now and gives you time to think about what to do.

It's totally inappropriate and will cause problems. Man up and don't give in when she wants you to wash her privates. Maybe make it like a "big girl" thing, where she's now old enough to do it herself!

Wow, OP. That's a bitch of a situation. Have you tried sitting down with her and explaining, very honestly, why that's a problem? I get that 7 is probably a bit too young to have the full-on sex talk, but perhaps some progress could be made by acknowledging that you understand she enjoys it, and even that it reminds her of her mom, but that it still has to stop, and this is why, etc.

Maybe you could even ease out of it over time by saying "Ok, I'll take care of the back bum for a while, but you have to start doing the front.

It sucks that the world is full of people like a lot of the ones in this thread, who apparently see everything as black and white without any regard for the delicate situation you find yourself in.

Sorry, doctor's orders. I want you to be healthy, don't you want to be healthy? If even a hint of this reaches adult ears, you will be arrested.

Your daughter will be taken away and wind up who-knows-where, in a situation that's likely to be hell. Your entire life will be destroyed - with one phone call from one snippet of overheard conversation.

Expect that she will continue to do what works for as long as it works. Who is in charge here you or her? I understand that it's difficult, I have 2 children myself, but she needs to learn boundaries and you aren't teaching her because you keep caving in to her.

Call her bluff and let her go into hibernate mode. Tell her you love her very much but that you have told her the rules and that's the end of it.

You'll be here waiting when she's ready to talk to you again. Once she realises that you will actually stick to your word and not back down then that behaviour should stop.

I'm a single mum with a girl and a boy. My son had to learn how to keep himself clean early on. I told him how and explained thoroughly what he needed to do.

Did the same with my daughter, but yes it was less awkward washing her. They were both also young but basically it was keep repeating how to clean properly and reinforcing what they need to do.

If the "hibernate mode" you were referring to was nothing more than a temper tantrum, then I'd say, yes, go for that.

It's not however. It sounds very much to me like a separation anxiety issue. To force her into a withdrawal like OP refers to would be devastating to the child and most definitely her relationship with her father.

This isn't normal behavior, telling OP to treat it as such isn't helping the situation. A lot of people are recommending that you attempt to stop this behavior by yourself.

What you and yr daughter need to do is attend both individual and family therapy. Especially since yr daughter was so young when she lost her mother and her grandmother, it is imperative that you get her into therapy as quickly as possible so that she can learn from a professional how to deal with her grief and the new family dynamic.

I would also recommend you pursue therapy individually as well. Losing yr wife and now having sole responsibility for a young child is a lot of emotions to process at once, and having an adult space where you can talk about what you are going through without judgement can help.

I have a question that's hard to ask, and probably harder for you to asnwer When she was cleaning you did you have any physical reaction? Your daughter is 7.

At this age touching privet parts is a sexual thing. She may not understand why she wants to do it, but she knows that it feels good.

It's up to you to teach her what is appropriate between family members. Hypothetically if it an uncle or male cousin was ingaging mutual genital touching, would you consider that sexual?

If so why the hell are you doing it? She even asked you to touch her longer. Rachet that talk down a bit. Not disagreeing with your individual points, but asking the OP to compare himself with a nonexistent molester is pretty fucked up.

There's a million comments already, and I think it will give you ideas on how to fix this, so I won't offer specific advice.

Plus, I don't know much about this, I have a 15 month old son, but am just doing my best and kind of making things up as I go along sometimes But, your heart is in the right place, you are doing your best through an awful situation I can't even imagine.

So talk to someone, like therapy, counseling, whatever Do what you have to do, but accept that you aren't perfect and won't be a perfect father, and that's ok Were your own parents perfect?

Did they hurt you sometimes in some ways that they didn't intend? And yet you turned out pretty great, and your daughter has a loving father who cares, the memory of a loving mother, and she's going to be ok too.

Thing will work out, as long as you keep trying to do what's right and working on yourself, and no matter what happens you are there for your little one when she needs you, and it will be ok.

Man, I need to go talk to someone as well, speaking of that Time to make myself an appointment with my counselor. When I was eight or so I had a pretty good idea of men vs women It's super hard, but you have to learn to say no.

All the things she is doing are natural explorations of the world, and one of the things kids do it probe the boundaries. At some point, you have to draw the line.

She's moan and wail and gnash her teeth, but once she realizes that escalating her behavior doesn't work it will take a while she'll give up and give in.

It'll be the worst thing you've ever done because she knows how to push your buttons and will pull out all the stops to make you feel like a monster.

It is a great book, and it has appropriate language and guidelines for a child to understand. Not only that, it will address the issues she will face in the coming months and years.

Finally, perhaps consider getting her a doll she can care for, rather than allow her to continue to wash you -- she can feel more responsible and have more control, too.

Op i really think your little girl needs to get some professional help. I can see problems forming right now. You should put your foot down.

And the fact is she clearly loves you unconditionally. She may mope around for a day or two if she doesn't get her way, but once you set the rules she'll understand and isn't going to be upset with you long term Reminds me of when I was a kid I was upset I didn't get my way with something so I went in my room and lay on my bed and cried like a baby for an hour Never tried that again lol.

I was a little older than your daughter but I knew what I was doing and why I was being ignored. And thank god my mother didn't give in every time I did that or I'd probably be a spoiled asshole as an adult.

You have to put your foot down with her before you ruin her. And she needs therapy for her separation anxiety issues. You could also use some parenting classes to help you make the right decisions.

Please get help now. If you wait any longer, she could be plagued with these anxiety issues for the rest of her life.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It sounds like you've still got a wonderful little family though. You need to start being a parent and less of a babysitter, you can't always pander to her always otherwise she will get really spoiled.

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So talk to someone, like therapy, counseling, whatever Do what you have to do, but accept that you aren't perfect and won't be a perfect father, and that's ok Were your own parents perfect?

Did they hurt you sometimes in some ways that they didn't intend? And yet you turned out pretty great, and your daughter has a loving father who cares, the memory of a loving mother, and she's going to be ok too.

Thing will work out, as long as you keep trying to do what's right and working on yourself, and no matter what happens you are there for your little one when she needs you, and it will be ok.

Man, I need to go talk to someone as well, speaking of that Time to make myself an appointment with my counselor. When I was eight or so I had a pretty good idea of men vs women It's super hard, but you have to learn to say no.

All the things she is doing are natural explorations of the world, and one of the things kids do it probe the boundaries. At some point, you have to draw the line.

She's moan and wail and gnash her teeth, but once she realizes that escalating her behavior doesn't work it will take a while she'll give up and give in.

It'll be the worst thing you've ever done because she knows how to push your buttons and will pull out all the stops to make you feel like a monster.

It is a great book, and it has appropriate language and guidelines for a child to understand. Not only that, it will address the issues she will face in the coming months and years.

Finally, perhaps consider getting her a doll she can care for, rather than allow her to continue to wash you -- she can feel more responsible and have more control, too.

Op i really think your little girl needs to get some professional help. I can see problems forming right now. You should put your foot down.

And the fact is she clearly loves you unconditionally. She may mope around for a day or two if she doesn't get her way, but once you set the rules she'll understand and isn't going to be upset with you long term Reminds me of when I was a kid I was upset I didn't get my way with something so I went in my room and lay on my bed and cried like a baby for an hour Never tried that again lol.

I was a little older than your daughter but I knew what I was doing and why I was being ignored. And thank god my mother didn't give in every time I did that or I'd probably be a spoiled asshole as an adult.

You have to put your foot down with her before you ruin her. And she needs therapy for her separation anxiety issues. You could also use some parenting classes to help you make the right decisions.

Please get help now. If you wait any longer, she could be plagued with these anxiety issues for the rest of her life.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It sounds like you've still got a wonderful little family though. You need to start being a parent and less of a babysitter, you can't always pander to her always otherwise she will get really spoiled.

I can't comprehend your loss, but I do have a 6yo girl who is a drama llama to say the least, so I do understand how you feel about not wanting to disappoint her.

How is her relationship with her aunt? It may be time to bring in a trusted female to explain private areas, feminine washing, future periods, womanly things.

That is not to say you should withdraw from that. You should be there if aunt and daughter are comfortable with that to show that she can talk to you about any feminine things as well.

If you want to keep what little freedom you have, and be able to continue living with your daughter, you'll tell her that she has to bath herself, and lock the door when you use the bathroom, from now on.

I know. Don't get me wrong.. Make no mistake about what's at risk. It's your job as a parent to protect her from these dangers. Time to step up.

Your daughter obviously has some emotional issues that need to be resolved. I would suggest using emotional therapy techniques to help her overcome these issues.

A great one that works for me is at this website. It's free to learn and easy to do after you know how. Even if you mean it innocently, can you imagine if she told someone "daddy washes my front bum and he let me wash his" how that would sound.

Do you think the authorities would believe you? People that abuse children often make excuses and that is what you would sound like.

You don't wanna traumatize her by saying no but imagine the trauma if she was removed from your care while you were investigated and accused of sexually abusing her.

As a father of 4 - wtf? Dude, being a parent involves a lot more than playing dollhouse with their kids. This is creepy that you've allowed this.

Model appropriate behavior to her and don't allow inappropriate behavior. By placate to her fits you are teaching her it is beneficial to be manipulative to get what you want.

My dad has bathed me - including washing my privates - for as long as I can remember. He and I have talked about it in the past, and we agreed that it is just a nice way for us to feel close and that it is no big deal.

It mostly stopped when I moved out to go to college. Now we try to do it when I visit, but its not always possible. I guess if you're okay with it That's a good way to bond with your dad, will you carry on the tradition with your kids if you decide to have any?

Probably not. I know these kind of things can lead to a lot of problems down the road. I love my dad and the connection I have with him, though.

What you are doing is not okay. You are not her friend, you are her parent, and it is your job to see that she grows up as a functional human being.

She needs to move on from her clinginess and dysfunction and have therapy if needed. The two of you will live through the tantrums. To be honest her behavior is a serious red flag suggests that she was abused by someone at some point.

If you can't assert the proper boundaries then I would suggest finding a relative or another healthy adult to hand custody over to, because continuing these scenerios is unacceptable.

The little girl lost her mum and is terrified she'll lose her dad too, not everyone is abusing their kids.

Basically telling this guy he's doing a bad job and talking about handing over custody isn't exactly helpful.

She might well need some professional help, but just handing her over to someone else would surely give her abandonment issues for life.

I agree that it needs to stop, it's very inappropriate. However, OP knows it's wrong and wants to stop it. There's a load of stupid shit generic "one size fits all" parenting advice in this thread which is conveniently skipping the underlying psychological issues at play.

I personally think OP should get some professional help for the kid rather than asking Reddit. None of us are even remotely qualified to provide the right answer especially since we don't know the kid.

Having said that, OP reached out for help and the person who I replied to basically said "do a better job or give her to someone else.

She even suggested the kid was being abused or had been abused. So now OP might be scared to ask for help in case other people think the same. Just tell her that if she doesn't clean herself that you'll abandon her.

That should shut her up. You sound really beta, no offense. You need to stand up for yourself, don't let this kid ruin your life.

You need to say, "no, I'm not coming into the bathroom with you. No negotiations, you're the adult here. I don't know why this is being downvoted because it's the best advice.

As a mother of two myself I have found that you have to lay down the law, period. The tantrums will happen no matter what.

As a father of 7, I don't think it's the message itself that got downvoted, but HOW it was said. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy.

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Welcome to Reddit, the front page of the internet. Become a Redditor and join one of thousands of communities. It's as if I've said I don't love her any more - that's the kind of reaction I get1 I'm starting to want a woman's company too - just someone to take out and talk to - and yes, I do miss sex terribly, but I can't imagine what my daughter would say and do, and even if she was OK about it, which I doubt, what if she wanted me to bath her and "do her bums - back and front" while any new partner was down?

Want to add to the discussion? Post a comment! Create an account. I wish you the best of luck. What a helpful and sensible answer!

Saw username. It now reminds me to fully check out a site before selecting a name! I can relate. Also applies to email addresses. And I am so very sorry for your loss.

Good luck, I hope you and your daughter get the help you need. Just ge happens to need a dig out. Good Luck.

It's totally inappropriate. OP - get professional help for your daughter, this thread won't help. Im so tired of this shit.

I agree to the Membership Agreement. Find Similar Videos. Length: Aspect Ratio: Similar Royalty-free Videos:. Daughter running through her mother who is sitting on the couch.

Happy mother and teenage daughter tickling each other. Woman in the sofa with a phone in hands and her daughter is running towards her.

She felt excluded, which she was. So she began to yell a lot, mostly at me. One particular Saturday morning we had probably been living with Gary for about six weeks , I was in the bathroom getting dressed for the flea market, just as I did every weekend.

But my mother wasn't happy, so she stood in the doorway, whining. You oughta be staying home with me. Just then, Gary came into the hall.

My mother cornered him. Gary, as always, remained calm during my mother's onslaught. Nonchalantly, he remarked, "Why don't you let Mooch decide what she wants to do today?

She's perfectly capable of choosing. With one quick remark, he had abdicated all responsibility for the situation. Instead, all blame was now placed squarely on me.

At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's ranting — and probably offer some kind of reward.

But if I chose my mother, there would be no one to protect me from Gary. Crossing him would mean paying for my sins. So, I chose Gary, and my mother flew into a jealous rage.

I'm your mother! You're staying with me! But Gary was already whisking me out the door. It was with this kind of scene that Gary was able to drive a wedge between my mother and me.

I am certain that if Gary could've gotten rid of my mother entirely, he would have. He lobbied hard to adopt me, but my mother resisted.

Thankfully, she never fell for the trap. Still, I'm astonished that she chose to stay with a man whose deepest desire was to kick her to the curb and steal her young daughter.

Personally, I know for a fact that Gary considered me his true lover. I know because he told me so. When he said it, I didn't quite know what to think.

I knew he meant it as a compliment because he said it so often and with such pointed intensity. But my 8-year-old brain simply could not grasp that this year-old man saw me as his mate.

I was just a little girl. He was with my mother. That made us a family. He was my father, and I was his child.

That's how I saw it. That's how I wanted to see it. I just wanted to be normal like other kids. I just wanted to have a normal life.

So when Gary said, "I'm only with her for you. You're the one I really want," it confused me. I felt uneasy. Guilty, I guess.

On some level, I knew it was very wrong. The guy was telling me to replace my own mother. This made me feel terrible. Despite her shortcomings, I loved my mother and felt a deep and innate loyalty to her.

Gary, on the other hand, scared and repulsed me.

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